Walking this familiar ground I realized that if I ever again ended up dirt poor I would want to do it on a boat.

The thing about a boat and a boat yard is that admiration and sense of achievement is not related to what you own, but is about what you have done.  It's also about what you plan to do.

In a boatyard your future is a blank slate upon which you can write a world voyage or you can write survival of a perfect storm.   It's a place of legend.  The only thing that doesn't cut it, in a boatyard, is paying someone else to live your legend.

The boat folk have more regard for the paid captain of a large sailing boat than they have for the man who owns the boat and pays the captain.  That's because if you sat down to dinner with the man who sails that boat you would get a more interesting tale to go with the food.  He will have more interesting real-life experience.

Kids know this, too.  That's why they want to climb that scary-high rock or to parachute out of the airplane.  They may not want to do it more than once, but kids know that having challenging experiences makes them and their lives special.

The job of the parent is not to "keep them safe" but to help them survive to take on the next challenge.  It's not an easy job.  When I was out by myself, sailing through a storm, it was easy to be brave.  My decisions affected only me and my boat.  I got the opportunity of setting a plan in place and watching its effectiveness - or not.  I did a lot of growing on that journey.

Kids need to grow in that way, too.  If we protect them from all danger they will never learn to use caution properly.  They will never learn to assess risk - because they will never meet a risk that seems real to them. There is a tremendous sense of pride and control in overcoming risk.  We should not, must not, deny that confidence to our children.  Let them climb that forty-foot tree, let them climb that rock wall.  By facing the risks they will grow and you will too.

Now, my family doesn't have a television in our house, so I was unprepared for the vision.  You should not have a television in your house either and here are six reasons why not:

• TV is a waste of time.

According to Eldon Taylor, author of the book "Mind Programming" (Link to Amazon) children not yet in school watch approximately 60 hours of television a week.  Obviously, this is an average, but it's a shocking amount of time.  If we consider that competence in a given pursuit takes about 2000 hours, the time little kids spend watching tv in one year is enough time to make them competent to a professional level in some pursuit.

• TV Promotes obesity.

Watching television is a completely passive pursuit.  A study done in 1985 found that the incidence of obesity in children increased by 2% for every hour of television watched per day by children over the age of four - 6% per additional hour for little ones under the age of four.   You can practically see the little kids fattening before your eyes!

• Attention Deficit problems.

A study done in 2004 showed that if little kids, ages one to three, watched a lot of television (between two and four hours per day) they were 28% more likely to develop attention deficit problems by age seven.  This might be because the  fast changes in image and sound habituate them to short attention cycles when they are very young.

• TV is mind control.

Very small children perceive everything as real.  Television gives them a stream of images and sounds that substitutes for real experience, suggesting that they need all sorts of products and giving a synthetic world view.  

• TV promotes a violent world view and violent behavior.  

I gave up watching television about twenty years ago.  At the time I stopped watching I was habituated to the level of violence and suggestive behavior that was acceptable then.  Recently, a friend suggested that I might like to watch a certain prime-time network television show, so I purchased a season of the show on DVD.  I was unable to watch more than two episodes of that show because of the level of extreme violence and peril depicted.  Each network competes with the others and each year the levels of sensation increase.  If you watch regularly you don't necessarily notice the change.

• TV is input-only and contains no creative component

Unlike audio only programming (like being read to) which requires listener visualization, being subjected to hours of audio and visual input moves the viewer into a passive state, turns off the mind and the imagination.  Then, when more entertainment is desired, the habit is to turn the television back on instead of picking up toys or a book.  So television watching becomes an addictive behavior.  

• TV's sole purpose is to promote consumption and therefore a feeling of privation.

 The global financial picture, over the last year, has not been pretty.  While it isn't fair to blame the worldwide financial crisis on the influence of television, it is true that many individuals were tempted into that second or third mortgage on the house in order to acquire the lifestyles and possessions suggested by the advertising on television.  What makes them think they need a motorcycle  AND a boat, and that new camera and a bigger television and that great tropical vacation?

For me the penny dropped when I was traveling in the UK in the early 80s.  There was a discussion on BBC radio about providing televisions to people who couldn't afford the licensing fees.  TV was considered a basic necessity of life.  Now when governments decide a thing is necessary to the lives of their people we should look very closely at the merits of that thing.  When television is a "basic necessity" we should wonder why.

For more reasons to turn off (or better yet, throw away) your tv, visit limittv.org

What makes us happy, how do we become unhappy, how do we be happy when there is nothing to be happy about… that kind of stuff.

As a husband and father - (and therefore by default the provider) - many times happiness seems tied to my ability to fulfill these roles. In other words if the family is provided for and is happy - then I am happy.

If you have completed the “Definitions of Success” exercises (given away for signing up for the blog), then you know it is impossible to base success - or happiness on something out of your control. Nor do I believe we should base on happiness on others.

Four years ago we bought some expensive dirt outside Atlanta and proceeded to build a dream.

Now that dream is a reality. We have by every definition a very successful horse ranching operation including a 12 stall barn with a waiting list for boardings, over 65 lesson students, three trainers, clinics, day camps, summer and fall week long camps, trail rides business retreat programs and an enviable reputation.

All it took was Being who we are, Doing what we love and the Universe helped bring what we need. It works!

However there are compromises in everything. Ours is the time we spend doing ‘other’ things we as a family decide are important.

The question becomes this: How long do you work at something to acquire or build a certain lifestyle before you go do things you want to do?

For instance: If you invest most of your time earning a living - when do you earn a life?

And when do you spend time with your kids.

Your opinion counts. What do you think about this?

More to come soon…

This is not my first introduction to this magnificent race, but it is my first introduction to a novel idea about them and their society I think we all could benefit to understand.

The following few paragraphs are paraphased from the book Voices of the First Day by Robert Lawlor.

Before the advent of agriculture, the world was populated with hunter/gatherers. These peoples (like the American Indians and the Aborigines) owned no property, worshiped the Earth that provided all, and cared for everyone in the tribe.

In the hunter/gatherer society. they spent 2-3 hours a day hunting and gathering which produced a more balanced, varied and nutritious diet than our agricultural society ever has.

In the meantime we now spend 12-14 hours per day racing the clock to maintain and service our material existence as the agricultural and industrial society in which we live have created this glut of material goods and great poverty of time.

The introduction of the agricultural age brought to the Earth and her peoples environmental destruction, constant warfare, starvation, and moral and social decline. This came about in the need for 'civilized' people to 'help' others by bringing 'civilization' to them. Could we every be so lucky as the American Indian to be civilized by some superior culture…

Interesting way to look at it hmmm?

I find this so interesting in two different ways .

This first is that is ties in nicely with BeDoHave. I have always said that Being is most important and Having is least important.

The second is that I have become somewhat uncomfortable with the amount of time I am taking to sustain our lifestyle compared to the time I spend with my family and on cultural pursuits. That is - continuing personal growth and development and sharing that path with others along the way.

In fact while in southwest Florida this last week with my two sons and their Scout group, I spent some time looking at live aboard sailboats. We are thinking the way of life we had aboard a small boat traveling wherever, meeting whoever, and doing whatever allowed for a much more rewarding life than climbing any social or monetary ladder.

I ask you. Think of your life as it is. How much time are you spending just servicing and maintaining a lifestyle at the expense of family and true cultural pursuits?

I assure you there are many folks who would love to hear your story.

Please share it?

Miami

Over the winter I found myself falling back on Doing Having Being! And my life changed dramatically - for the worse!

Once I saw what I was doing and changed it back to Being first - it took a very short time to restore the equilibrium I need in my life. My energy returned, my happiness level soared back to previous level.

(Hang on - there is a point to this story!)

If you have read much of my articles over the last five years, you are aware Shelly and I built a sailboat to live on for six years. I loved it. We decided when our first son was 5 to come back from the Carribbean, sell the boat and make lots of money.

That was about ten years ago. Now that son is 15 and the next one is 8. We have made lots of money. What we kept is another story. Along the way we fulfilled another dream which was to build a successful horse farm.

It is hard work. One of the things that gets put aside all too often is time with the family.

Last month we came to the conclusion that since Ian would be going out on his own in a few short years we didn’t have much time left to spend as a family. We really wanted to do a lot more traveling together.

So we have decided to do exactly that.

By Spring 2008 we will have figured out whether to go by boat or RV, divested ourselves of as much stuff as possible, created different kinds of income streams and go.

How will we do this? I don’t know yet and it really does not matter.

If we Be who we are, and Do what we love the Universe will help in amazing ways to allow us to Have what we need.

It always has.

Want to go with us? I am sure you will have that opportunity - by blog anyway!

Comments?

Don’t worry. Be happy.

Miami

Last week our family of four sat down to have a serious discussion with the oldest on this subject. He had come prepared with a report and his idea of how to tackle this challenge we all were facing.

We had a fascinating hour long back and forth to be able to agree on what the challenge was and possible solutions.

As this is a subject near and dear to my heart and I believe it could possibly affect many (if not all) parents - I think we should make this the subject of our first teleconference call.

What do you think?

Miami

Of course the first question that comes to my mind is -What makes a kid successful?

Should we not answer the second question first?

In my opinion, if someone is doing what they love to do with passion and excitement, and they are not pretending to be something or somebody they are not - then they are successful.

Notice the words 'money', 'job', 'career', 'profession' are not in my definition of success.

How does that affect you? What is your opinion of success for your kids?

Click on comments and add yours. We really do want to hear them!

Miami

I sat down with Tommy for his reading lesson. We are working our way through Engelmann's Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons.

Tommy loves books, and wants badly to access all their secrets. He will sit for hours paging through books he can't really read, looking at diagrams and pictures trying to understand what's written there. Some days, he loves his reading lessons, and wants to do two or even three at a sitting. Other days (like yesterday) he does everything he can think of to sabotage the process and make it miserable for both of us.

His sister finished the whole book quite easily two years ago, when she was 6. At the same time, Tommy finished about 2/3 of the lessons although he was only 4. (When his sister completed, he lost interest!) Now that he is 6, we started through the book again, and we've reached lesson 77 without too many problems. Until yesterday.

He dragged his feet getting started; his attention was constantly wandering, wanting to know why things had to be done in the order given in the lesson, making mistakes on words he knows very well, losing his place, and then complaining when I tried to help him by pointing to the spot on the page. His mood darkened. My mood darkened. Things went from bad to worse.

It was turning into a battle of wills, and I suddenly realized there would be no winner in this struggle. I closed the book, and announced that the lesson was over.

Tommy begged me to continue, but I was firm, explaining that it just wasn't any fun for me. He burst into tears and ran to his room. My sense is that he was really disappointed in himself. I remember very similar situations in my own childhood - so at least I know where his occasional cantankerousness comes from!

After some time alone in his room, he came out and gave me a huge hug, and we traded heart-felt "I love you"s. Then we went outside and played together for a while.

Should I be court-martialed for Failure to Maintain Classroom Discipline? Should I have been more easy-going and bailed out at the first sign of trouble?

In the end, I think what matters is that I love my son deeply, and he loves me. We're in this growing-up thing together. Parenting and home schooling are endurance sports, not sprints. It's important to keep our eyes on the prize: super successful kids!

If he doesn't learn to read this year, he'll learn next year, or the year after. When the gnawing desire to have all that forbidden knowledge between the covers of the books on the shelves becomes so strong that he cannot stand it a minute longer, he'll become an excellent reader very quickly! My job is to make sure he sees those books, and knows that there are wonderful secrets and voyages of adventure and discovery waiting for him inside. The rest will be easy.

Charles

ps - Today we sat down and finished lesson 77 with no trouble at all!

"The prevailing attitude is that children should be nudged, not pushed; nurtured, not nagged; encouraged to find their own way in an environment of low pressure and low expectations. But that doesn't produce nearly the results as a firm hand on the shoulder and the parental command of, "Go this way."

Few children are getting that sort of direction from their parents, according to the Your Child survey of Michigan residents aged 18-30, conducted by EPIC-MRA.

Only 30 percent of the young adults say their parents insisted on them going to college. Those children didn't rebel, as the popular parenting wisdom suggests.

Instead, they were more likely to earn a college degree and land in jobs that make them happier and pay them more than those with hands-off parents."

I can't disagree more.

The part I disagree most with is where they talk about jobs and money. I believe higher education is a wonderful thing - but like everything else it has pros and cons.

If a child enters college immediately after high school, how do they know what to study? How well are they prepared to be on their own? How much time will be spent in learning 'socialization skills' - like chugging a beer in 2.5 seconds!

Since Inever went to college I can't answer that.

But I can say that there is a world of opportunity out there - and my belief is that one of my kids will be far better off going into that world and enjoying it for a while (and learning his 'skills') before investing the time and money in higher education.

Your comments?

Miami

Take Easter morning, for example. It was almost like a flashback from a Numb3rs episode…

We are big fans of the Easter Egg Hunt. Saturday evening, after the kids were asleep, TC and I snuck out with flashlights and hid 30 plastic eggs containing tiny toys around our yard. As soon as the sun came up, the kids were ready to start their hunt.

The first 20 eggs were quickly rounded up. The next 5 came much more slowly. After a little snack break, and an egg count, they hit the yard again, looking for those last few eggs. Searching diligently, they caught 3 more before taking another break. At this point, finding those last 2 eggs seemed impossible.

Then I had an idea! "How many colors of eggs are there?", I asked the kids. They did a count, and discovered that there were 6 different colors. "OK, if there are 30 eggs, and there are the same number of each of the 6 colors, how many of each color are there?"

At first, they complained that this sounded suspiciously like some kind of math lesson, but I promised it really was going to help find the missing eggs. After a bit more grumbling, they pondered, conferred, shuffled the found eggs around a bit, and eventually announced that there must be 5 of each.

"Great!", I said. "Now you can tell me which colors we're looking for." They started counting each of the colors: 5 blue, 5 pink, 5 green and so on until it became clear that both of the missing eggs must be yellow.

Armed with this knowledge, everyone scoured the yard again, this time turning up both of the missing eggs, which had fallen off of a fence and were hiding out in the neighbor's yard!

So the kids learned some valuable lessons about problem solving, set theory and division, and I don't have to worry about picking plastic shrapnel out of my shins the next time I mow the lawn!

What does this have to do with Super Successful Kids? I see it as one tiny step on a long road. You're on that road too, and we'd like to help! Please let me know your number one question about raising super successful kids by visiting our "ASK Page". I'll pass your question on to our experts, and get the answers back to you through email, blog post, teleseminar or podcast.

I'm excited to have you along on this journey to success!

Charles Vollum